Sunday, November 11, 2012

On The Path To Receive MY Healing

Isaiah 40:31
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength: They shall mount up with wings like eagles: They shall run and not be weary: and they shall walk and not faint.



So when i think of eagles Beauty and Strength is what comes to mind, when I think Of myself, uuhhmmm Not so much .

I want to point something about the Bald Eagles.. 

* Bald Eagles Fly above any storm, they do not hide.

Instead of HIDING like most creatures do during a storm, a Bald Eagle will challenge the storm by going trough it, to FLY ABOVE the storm.. 

I wanna be like that, Courageous, storms to me represent current circumstances. Circumstances that draw us into hiding. 
I want to look directly at the storm, RISE UP, Challenge it, Go trough my Storm and finally be Soaring OVER my trails and tribulations.. 
I can almost guarantee going trough the storm isn't an easy thing to do. It will push you back, it will make you question your strength, your faith, and possibly your sanity.. And for the most part of it, you will Fly trough it Alone.. (well naturally speaking)

How can i relate? Well Receiving MY healing has been a uphill battle, mostly a lonely one. I have wonderful and faithful friends and family who support me and encourage me, and help me in every possible way, however the the hardest battle fought, is always in the heart and mind of oneself
That's where you find yourselves alone for the most part..
Staying full of faith when i see little to NO progress is hard, waking up to aching joints, unable to move is hard, not been able to run and play with my children is hard, not been to do normal daily tasks its hard, believing and trusting God that my husband finds me beautiful even though i have outward deformities is hard. It challenges me to keep my Faith, and To Trust My God. 
Those are my battles those are my storms.
I Fight those battles alone, No one can fight those for me, no one can fend off negative thoughts for me, no one can help me trust God stronger, no one can. 
He of course is always there.
"I Can do All things in Him who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13)
I once heard a phrase, that "Wise people choose their battles"
but how about the battles that choose me?
I certainly never would have chosen to have Fought for my health against Rheumatoid Arthritis.
But I Fight, I fight because He strengthens me, I fight because showing the enemy I wont back down glorifies God. I fight Because God has made us Warriors. I Fight because I'm a Warrior, a warrior who will Rise above the storm like an Eagle.
(Been a Soldier is a position, Been a Warrior is an attitude #Warrior Chick #Holly Wagner) 
His Word is True. 
"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.."..
Every morning when its hard, i wait upon Him, I cry out to Him, sometimes pitifully, like i don't trust in Him at all. He is Faithful, He fills me with new strength, not everlasting strength but with enough strength to endure. I Forget to make Him the the Rock of my Foundation in all things sometimes. But He never forgets me.
He RENEWS my Strength, that I might mount up with wings like Eagles.. Every time.

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Most BEAUTIFUL Dream


When I was younger I believed that if i had had a nightmare I had until noon of that day to tell someone about it, SO THAT IT DIDNT COME TRUE!.. lol..
A couple of years later, i know a little better. Now i know that Life or Death are in the power of the tongue. (Proverbs 18:12)
So I am charing this dream NOT because it was nightmare but because it could potentially become a nightmare if I dont Raise my children in The Way They should go. I would love Nothing More than for my Children to be raised by guidance of The Almighty and  in fear and reverance and thankfulness of Him.
Ive already started claiming Anthony to have "Beautiful Feet" if you ask him were are the beautiful feet at he will respond immediately by picking up his foot and showing them off.. (That makes me Happy)

  • Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, “Your God reigns!”
  • Romans 10:15 And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
I believe my Son will grow up to have Extremely Beautiful Feet, With a Loud and Bold Voice to proclaim salvation to those who do not know God..

I know that some will read this and WILL NOT understand the beauty in it. Others however, will read it and completely agree with it. I write this in tears because it is my child, and i love Him Dearly. I do not wish ANY harm upon him but i would love for this to have been a prophetic dream.

SO MY DREAM STARTS OFF..

Anthony is at school in the middle of the hallway, laying on the floor unconciense, bloodied, and bruised. His Offenders still laughing while kicking him and throwing blows upon his tiny unresponsive body. Eventually a teacher found them and immediately called an ambulance and the Principal. The ambulance picked up Anthony and rushed him to the hospital. He got hooked up to all these machines and put on medication as well. He was in the hospital for a couple of months unresponsive because of the severity of damage inflicted on him. I dont believe that he was in a comma but just in so much agony to not care to move or respond to anything or anyone.
Eventually he became aware of his surroundings and slowly began to move about and speak all the while an unexplainable smile was on his face.
Cops came by when he had recovered well anough to issue a statement of what had happened that day. The principal had shown up as well, and after the cops had left the pricipal sat next to him and said "you know we will make sure they get punished for this, im not really sure what degree of punishment they will recieve because they are minors but I will make sure they get a severe punishment"
Anthony look sad for a quick minute then smiled. Beaming excitedly.
He said "Sir, can i make a request for their punishment?"
the principal replied "well i can certainly hear you out and see what we can do to impliment it to their punishment"
anthony said" i would like for their punishment to be forgiveness, i understand that bullying isnt what you want in school. but i would like forgiveness. love covers a multitude of sins"
to which dumfounded the principal said" forgiveness? but surely punishment is what needs to happen."
Anthony implored "yes forgiveness, you see those kids dont know Jesus and how much he loves. See Jesus forgave me of all my bad things and i want to forgive them like Jesus forgave me"
the next scenes where a blur...
but then you see the bullies escorted by the pricipal into the room where Anthony was. You COULD NOT hear anything
But you did see when the kids started crying and fell to their knees and lifted their arms in surrender.
They HAD ACCEPTED JESUS AS LORD AND SAVIOR!!!!!
The next few scenes you see Anthony fully recovered walking side by side with the same kids PROCLAIMING SALVATION in the hallways of their school.

OH HOW BEAUTIFUL ARE THE FEET....

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

On The Path To Receive MY Healing


Proverbs 3:8 New Living Translation (NLT)
8 Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones....

So what this scripture mean to me? Complete Physical Healing

Psalms says it best : Psalms 119:50 NIV "My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promises preserve myLIFE"

Yes i would love to see complete healing but not as much as i would enjoy Him preserving my Life in eternity with Him.. That is Always my eternal Goal..

Proverbs 3:7 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. 8 Then you will have healing for your body and strenght for your bones..

So i started Enbrel, not what i wanted, i have always desired supernatural healing, but anyway God leads me is where i would rather be,
So He is walking through this valley with me, in where I am no where impressed with my OWN wisdom, nothing ive done has brought me healing of any sort..I cant explain the pain i bear when the flare ups where at its worst. The thought of not holding my children, the thought of not able to even walk with my children WAS My Suffering..
 Nothing is more dangerous than not Fearing God...
In those times of physical and emotional struggles and suffering, i had to learn to FEAR HIM, to turn away from evil... TO learn that He is Faithful and True.. That he Has, Is and Always will be, to start to believe otherwise would be to be foolish for then i would no longer Feared Him..

After of about 2 weeks on this medication i can see some results i have more energy and have longer periods of strenght and i dont hurt AS Fast i would normally would have... the pain level is still pretty high but i can go longer at doing things without the pain preventing me to do so.

Today i started to work out (video workout).. And The thought of NOT FEARING HIM did cross my mind..
I started to think theres still so much I CANT DO!!! I cant do that, i cant do a push up.. i cant even do that either!!!..
I realised how week my body had gotten from not properly working out, or even doing daily activities properly for 6 years, it had taken its toll..  Not ever been able to run. Not ever been able to pick something over 5 lbs (properly.. if u take note.. just watch me next time i pick something up.. i tend to hug it to pick it up), not been able to walk farther than from the house door to the car without having to sit from the pain.
I am not asking for sympathy but i am ASKING for Prayers.. The road to strenghting my body to what somewhat might consider NORMAL is my goal.. It'll be a long long road ahead of me.. But Gods PROMISES sustain me.. for i know HE WILL Bring Healing to my body and Strenght to my Bones.

This Year is my Year OF HEALING...

"Cant You see him working ON THE OUTSIDE, I CAN FEEL HIM MOVING ON THE INSIDE
So come and enter in and Cast your cares on HIM, He'll open up a windown and pour you out a blessing
Cause when the LORD steps in, He brings everything you need,  POWER HEALING and VICTORY!!
Said its all Up to you, Whatever you need him to do JUST TRUST IN HIM AND BELIEVE
AND THEN BY FAITH YOU WILL RECEIVE"
#The Presence of The Lord IS HERE..Byron Cage

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

On The Path To Receive MY Healing


Psalm 34:20 (NLT)
"For the Lord Protects the Bones of the Righteous...."

So its been a really long time since i made an update on my Path To Healing, mainly because i had gotten pregnant and then i had made the decision to nurse baby girl... 
Well ill start by saying that i finally made it in to see a Rheumatologist Specialist...
I can say i was really nervous... extremely nervous... i was grateful that My Soldier was with me, he encouraged me, and I really felt his support...
After the visit, both me n Tony left with mix feelings... mainly because we are still believing for my healing to be supernatural...
The Doctor made the diagnosis and came up with a treatment.
The treatment will be that i start medication once a week. For at least 4 weeks, once a week on the day of my choice i will take a dose of Methotrexate, and will see how my body and symptoms respond. The Dr said said that the strenght in the medication will be as strong as like that of chemo.(without the radiation of course)..
What the medicine will do is lower my immune system to such a low level that an infection, if not treated properly and in a timely manner could have negative results... The positive will be that it will stop any progressing damage and EVEN Reverse some of the damage already done to some of my joints.....I am Believing for a complete and whole Healing... Im believing My healing to be this Year..
I have Peace in my heart that it will be... Something inside of me is stirred up when i think about it... Healed.
I will be honest, when you have a chronic disorder you have some really  bad days that the Devil uses to tempt you to stop believing and having Faith. But Now I now this was only to strenghten me for something bigger.. to strech me and my faith and bring me to a new level of Trust and Hope. Peace overtakes me when i see ahead.. a tougher road lies ahead but at the end of that Road My God will be there.. and any road is worth taking if He will be there... I Refuse To Quit!!!!

Winners are NOT those who never Fail, But Those who NEVER QUIT!.


Dear Lord, 
What ever your will and plans are for me, I will Follow and Obey, My heart is set on not waivering from your Word, from your promises, from You. I have decided that  your healing will be a way to minister to Dr.Vo, She will see the Power that comes from serving the One and Only, The Great I AM, My HEALER and My Redeemer. That she will come to know that You are Lord and Saviour of our Souls... and that Apart from you we are nothing.
Lord strengthen me for what lays ahead, I know your word says that "you will guide me along the best pathway for your life, I will advice you and watch over you" (psalm 32:8 NLT) I know that what lays ahead is for your Glory, wether my healing comes or not I will continue Serving you.Your Guidance has lead me to the BEST PATHWAY for my LIFE and i know that you will continue to do so. Help me never to doubt your Word... In the name of the your Precious Sons Name Jesus.. AMEN.

Psalm 35:10 (NLT) "With every bone in my body I will Praise Him, 'Lord, who else can compare with you?'...